“It is What it is” and Second Chances
Thank you to BetterHelp.com for sponsoring this post! A link to their website is included in the article below. I received compensation as a thank-you for my participation, and believe offering links to sources like this may be of help to some.
I am still racing in college–in fact, after coming out about my eating disorder and starting this blog, I am only halfway through my college career. I have two more years!
At this point, I see the final two years of college as a second chance–a second chance to compete for my team, to continue to let go of Rawchael, and to continue to become the best Rachael I can be.
It’s a second chance to be able to live college life free from (or at least lessened by) the burden of anxiety with food. I can’t believe I’ve been consumed with all of this for nearly four years now. It seems early intervention is an important part of recovery. Once I did receive more help, I saw that writing, analyzing myself, and getting the support and help from friends and family sped things up.
So yet again, I encourage anyone dealing with an eating disorder to get help (link to Betterhelp.com). Even if you think it’s “not bad enough.” Even if you think it “could be worse.” Don’t let it get worse. Even if it’s just a message to me, just a note to share your struggles with someone, please do it, because it can help to start voicing the struggle.
When Times Get Tough Again
It’s tough when things have been going so well and you suddenly find yourself trapped again. That familiar feeling creeps over you, like an enemy who has died has come back to haunt you. It’s hard to hear the voice of hope disappear again, a voice that had been so strong for so long once everything started feeling good. The tough part is pushing the bad voice away as you reach for the railing to pull yourself back up. It means applying the tools you knew you may have had to use but hoped to never have to use again. It means gritting your teeth and getting back on track again, even though the pain of the mistake may still linger.
Each time I fall back or make a mistake, I evaluate the situation. I tell myself “it is what it is,” learn from it and try my best to move on. It’s difficult when my mind keeps falling back to I shouldn’t have taken that extra bite, or if only I ate this instead of that… or maybe I should skip lunch only to surprise surprise, find myself ravenous and bingeing later.
But, second chances. We have another chance. Since we have to eat every day, we always get another try, another go at our next meal. And this doesn’t have to just apply to eating disorders–any other troubles in our life can see this happening over and over again. If you make a mistake in one area, you are able to try again the next day. It’s time to leave the past (“it is what it is”) and move forward (“I have a second chance”).
So with two more years of college running ahead of me, days ahead to look forward to, and every meal to try again, I can find hope and happiness. It will come back.