Thankful for Recovery: The Journey, and Reaching the Destination

Thanksgiving 2010 I was concerned about having enough “safe” foods at dinner.

Thanksgiving 2011 I ate my own separate “raw food diet” foods.

Thanksgiving 2012 I binged on pie in my bedroom.

Thanksgiving 2017: I’m excited to eat. I indulge in the dark turkey with stuffing and relish the taste of fresh green beans. I don’t think a moment more about food when I finish off the evening with pumpkin pie.

Eating disorder recovery was confusing and tough, but so worth it.

So what happened between 2013-2017?

  1. I continued to reach out to my eating disorder therapist and dietitian. I made sure to tell them the truth, even if it felt too embarrassing to me. I knew the more THEY knew, the more they could assist ME.
  2. I accepted my body as it was, even at its heaviest. Continuing to strive for a smaller body kept me in a restrict-binge cycle. It got me nowhere.
  3. I forced myself to try activities I was not great at, or to spend time with new friends or family I hadn’t connected with in years. It was by making mistakes and trying new things that I began to find greater happiness beyond anything I had found in the “high” parts of the eating disorder.

For full details on the experience and my recovery, you can read Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It. If you are still struggling, know that there IS recovery at the end of all this hard work. I thought I was one person who would have to live with an eating disorder forever, and I proved myself wrong.

You can, too.