Binge Eating Disorder: Through the Lens of an Ultrarunner (Guest Post by Jeremy Susi)

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Jeremy Susi wears many different hats. He is a committed husband, loving father, dedicated teacher, passionate coach, and avid distance runner. He says, “Those are the obvious identities that the entire world can see with plain eyes, but deep down I’m just a human being trying to navigate this complicated thing called life.”

Jeremy shares a piece of his journey below. Please note: Eating disorder behaviors mentioned.

 

The 5:00 a.m. alarm screeches. Reaching blindly toward the device responsible for this deafening tone, I tap all corners of the nightstand frantically to cease the annoyance. After accidentally knocking John L. Parker’s Once a Runner to the floor, I finally grasp the phone and hit snooze. My head immediately drops back onto the pillow, and I slip my exposed shoulder and arm back under the warm blankets.

Perhaps today will mark my first successful sleep-in. After all, that’s what normal people do on a Sunday, right? Besides, I’m twenty-eight years old, and I don’t have any legitimate responsibilities to worry about during this wide-open weekend.

Five minutes later, I toss the covers off my sweaty body, which has begun to perspire in disgust after last night’s consumption at a neighborhood BBQ. 

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From Harm to Hope: Guest Post by David Stansbury

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David Stansbury is an undergraduate student at Anderson University in Indiana where he is pursuing a major in exercise science and minors in psychology and nutrition. David is on the cross country and track and field teams. When he’s not running, he loves getting coffee and reading books that are about running or working on the mental side of sports, or spending time with his girlfriend. He loves being around his friends playing cards or board games. David’s main goal in life is to use the resources and passions that he has to help people get better in all aspects of their life. 

Note: Eating disorder behaviors mentioned. Events and conversations have been recreated from David’s memories of them.

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During my freshman year of college, I believed that food needed to be earned. I “earned” food by how hard I worked, and I alone determined when I deserved it. This came from a constant negative body image that I had developed from the comparison between myself and the athletes that were around me, and from years of being made fun of for my body. 

The days I felt that I deserved food, I would eat and feel content with myself and my body. But on days when I felt that I didn’t deserve it, I told myself that I didn’t get to eat, or that food that I did eat, I didn’t get to keep. 

These thoughts intensified when I looked at my performance in running. When I ran well, I attributed it to the weight that I had lost and the body that I currently had. But when I ran poorly, I would tell myself that I was too big or that I didn’t have the body that a true runner “should” have.

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“I Didn’t Know Who To Tell” Guest Post by Jonathan Green

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Jonathan Green shares his experience with an eating disorder as a high school and college runner. His story exemplifies how the stigma and lack of education and awareness made it difficult for him to receive professional help sooner. We are grateful that he agreed to share his story, knowing that other men who are struggling could likely relate, and that it might inspire others to see that their struggles are valid and worth getting professional help for. Note: Eating disorder behaviors mentioned.

I didn’t find running until I was a sophomore in high school. And as soon as I started, I loved it.

I grew up as the tall and skinny kid in class. But running made me look at my body differently than I ever have. I saw how fit, lean, muscular, and thin the professional runners appeared, and I thought I had to look exactly like them to be able to run as fast as they did. I figured that dieting would help me to get there.

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Why We Need to Talk About Male* Eating Disorders (Guest Post by Molly Fennig)

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*Individuals who identify as male

As an athlete who had trouble recognizing her eating disorder, I (Rachael Steil) can only imagine how tough it can be for men who struggle with eating disorders to identify what they’re going through and get the help they deserve. Molly Fennig, author of Starvation (a novel about a guy struggling with an eating disorder), shares more about male eating disorder misconceptions here.

1. They’re more prevalent than you think.

Depending on the study, up to 40% of individuals with eating disorders are male.

In fact, up to 19% of male athletes have an eating disorder (Bratland-Sanda & Sundgot-Borgen, 2012). Unsurprisingly, sports that promote leanness, either through weight classes (ie wrestling) or increased efficiency (ie distance running) have higher rates of eating disorders.

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[Dumpster] Diving Into Male Eating Disorders: Matt’s Story & Recovery

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Several years after I graduated from high school, and well into recovering from my eating disorder, I heard about a guy running cross country at my high school who had developed anorexia. From afar I yearned to help him. But not knowing exactly who he was, and not wanting to overstep boundaries, I heard updates about him from afar. I was thankful when I heard he was getting the help he deserved.

Little did I know that around that time, Matt had found the Running in Silence website. I eventually found Matt’s recovery story online through the Daily Mail. Soon after, we found each other through social media and participated in an event during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He agreed to connect further through the interviews I recorded with him below.

Facing the Stigma: Living with an Eating Disorder as a Man

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I am honored to introduce Steve Sanders for our next guest post. Steve is a recovering alcoholic , writer, and blogger at Haven House Addiction Treatment. He lives in Los Angeles, California and enjoys spending time with his family and on his motorcycle when not writing. He can be reached at oneroadtorecovery@gmail.com. 

The typical image of a person with an eating disorder is a woman, or more specifically a white teenage girl from a well-off family. Almost all the popular information available about eating disorders is aimed at women and is about women.

But studies suggest that about 10 million men and boys in the U.S. will have an eating order at some point in their lives. In fact, while anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are more common in women, men are at greater risk of developing a binge eating disorder (overeating without purging or otherwise compensating for the excessive food intake).

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Eating Disorders Prey on Men, Too

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If you can imagine how tough it is for women to be open about their eating disorders, just imagine how tough it is for men. I recently asked a follower to share his experience here on the blog. I encourage anyone who struggles with an eating disorder or disordered eating to speak up when you feel ready–even if it’s just by letting it out through this blog. Feel free to reach out to me at runninginsilence@gmail.com.

I found Rachael and her blog a year ago, and every now and then we’ve talked about our eating disorders, specifically in the realm of raw food and bingeing. Like her, I don’t particularly fit the descriptions of bulimia, anorexia, or binge eating. At this point in my ED, I sway between binge eating and orthorexia. The 80-10-10 diet is always my fallback after a long 1 or 2 week bingeing episode.

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A Mother’s Struggle to Free Her Son from Anorexia (Guest Post by Bev Mattocks)

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I’d like to introduce a guest blogger Bev Mattocks. I first discovered her blog about three months ago, only to find out that it was a blog-turned-book. I was able to read Mattock’s book, Please Eat… A Mother’s Struggle to Free Her Teenage Son from Anorexia. It helped to see the struggle from the perspective of a parent, especially as my own parents have learned to deal with my eating disorder.

In the second chapter of my book Please Eat… A Mother’s Struggle To Free Her Teenage Son From Anorexia I describe my pride at watching my 15-year son, Ben, win the 1500 metre race at the school sports day in July 2009. At the time Ben (who lives in the UK) was into a whole range of sports, not just running. Then, over the summer of 2009, his sporting activities got even more intense. He was swimming, running, and working out at a local gym every day – and more. With this came a whole new dedication to ‘healthy eating’, especially fat-free food. Ben quickly became an expert at slimming down recipes, cutting out the ‘baddies’ from his diet, and examining the nutritional content of food packaging in microscopic detail.

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