When Loved Ones Can’t Understand Your Eating Disorder
Trigger warning: eating disorder behaviors mentioned. Post updated 3/5/21 to reduce triggers and update the writing because I am still a perfectionist. 🙂 “How can you physically keep stuffing in more and more food?” my dad asked one night. “I mean, I get to the point where enough is enough in one meal.” My […]
Guest Post: Brittany Burgunder’s Battle
I came across Brittany’s blog about a year ago and found her eating disorder struggle similar to my own. Certainly, Brittany’s drastic weight fluctuation in a small amount of time is relatable to me as well as many more of us, and shows that the problem lies not in appearance, but in our attitude toward […]
We Must Speak
I want to tell you that it is okay to ask for help. That even now I still struggle to do it myself. That just the other day, when I finally admitted to myself that the eating disorder was worsening again, that it was okay to say something. That I must. I want to tell you […]
Guest Post: Lize Brittin’s Anorexia Recovery as a Runner Part 2
(Read Part 1 of Lize Brittin’s journey here). After 20 years of struggling, my life started to feel different. Over time, I was able to find joy again. I could run again without having to force myself to be at the top. During this transition, I noticed a strong correlation between my thoughts and my […]
Time to Change: Adding New Food to My Diet
I’m ready for change. I’m ready to take the next step to eat “normally.” I’m ready to get out of this rut. It’s strange how, out of seemingly nowhere, I realized that the food I deemed “fattening” was only so because it became a rule in my head. The voice whispered to me day after […]
Hungry to Speak
You ask me why I eat in secret. I wish you couldn’t see me eat. I wonder how much you think about what I eat. I decide what I will eat next to make it look like I am not eating too much. I wait until it is noisy enough in the room so that […]
Why Did I Attempt a Raw Food Diet as a Runner?
One of the biggest questions I get is about why I felt the need to follow a raw food diet as a collegiate cross country and track runner. Nutrition was important to me from a young age because I wanted to eat well to run well–and I started running consistently when I was 5 years […]
Do I Really Have An Eating Disorder?
I remember going into my sophomore year of college thinking about how I “had” to lose some weight to run faster than my freshman year. I had gotten to the point where I thought only weight loss would keep me at the top. Although I was at my thinnest, I was not just skin and […]
Rachael Before Rawchael
Trigger warning: eating disorder behaviors mentioned. Eating disorders don’t just include losing hair, feeling hungry, or suffering dizzy spells. Eating disorders–the obsession with food, with perfecting the day with food–consumes all of your mental space, making it difficult to engage in LIFE. This was a typical day for me when my restrictive eating disorder took […]