Journal Entries January 2013: Binge Eating Athlete?
Reading through old journal entries reminds me of how far I’ve come in five years. It also reminds me of how confused, lonely, and scared I felt back then. The following journal entries may be triggering, but I do not reveal numbers. I thought it would be important to share how devastating and confusing binge […]
Returning to Competition with Binge Eating
To the athletes with a restrictive eating past who are now bingeing: I know this hurts. It hurts like hell. You probably feel broken physically and mentally. You want someone to understand. You want it to stop. You just want to be back to where you were before. I know, because I’ve been there, too. […]
“They Just Disappeared”: Beyond Anorexia in Runners
Post updated March 16, 2021, to improve clarity and readability. We often picture eating disorders in the running world in the form of a frail girl crossing the finish line. There’s an assumption that this person will run into multiple stress fractures in the next few years. And that, that is how they will disappear […]
Discipline, Drugs, and Disorder
I was recently challenged with the notion that eating disorders are not as intense or similar to drug addiction or alcoholism. I’ve also been asked if eating disorders are more of a “discipline” rather than a “disorder” issue. And then we have misconceptions about what eating disorders “look” like: only when are you very thin […]
A Lot Can Change in Two Years
I began this blog in fear. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going, but two years ago I needed this blog to make me feel like I was getting something done. It was my last hope for change. I feared what my friends, teammates, and family would think. I worried they […]
Eating Disorders Prey on Men, Too
If you can imagine how tough it is for women to be open about their eating disorders, just imagine how tough it is for men. I recently asked a follower to share his experience here on the blog. I encourage anyone who struggles with an eating disorder or disordered eating to speak up when you feel […]
If Dieting is Detrimental to Athletes, Why Did I Keep Doing It?
Q: Even though running was your primary goal, when it became evident that the diet was detrimental to running it still pulled you back in. Why do you think it still gripped you even when you knew it wasn’t the direction you wanted to go? One word: Fear. When I noticed any detrimental effects on […]
Do I Really Have An Eating Disorder?
I remember going into my sophomore year of college thinking about how I “had” to lose some weight to run faster than my freshman year. I had gotten to the point where I thought only weight loss would keep me at the top. Although I was at my thinnest, I was not just skin and […]
Why Did I Binge? Raw Food Diet Journal Entries Analyzed
Now that I’m “all grown up” in my nutrition and cravings knowledge, I thought it’d be interesting to look back at my old food journal entries to point out “what went wrong” during those binges and intense cravings (for all the raw food journal entries posted on the website, go here). Why did I feel so […]
What I Learned About Binge Eating, and How It Stopped
Note: I am not a dietitian or medical professional. This is simply what worked well for me in recovery after working with a registered dietitian and therapist! In the summer of 2010 I thought I could exert all the willpower in the world. I could restrict, could hold back on my deepest food desires. It […]