The Eating Disorder Tainted Happy Events

7 years ago our Aquinas women’s cross country team placed 7th at the NAIA national championships—our highest finish ever at that point. When our coach announced the news just beyond the finish line, the nine of us women had our arms around each other’s shoulders and tears in our eyes. We looked around in awe […]

Reflecting on Failure

This September I spoke at an event called Failure Lab. Seven speakers talked about a time they’ve failed to “pave the way for change by crushing the isolation and stigma around failure.” We had to share our stories of failure, and leave it at that—no lesson learned, and we could not talk about how we […]

Why Don’t You Lose 5 Pounds: Eating Disorder and Sports Documentary

In a recent trip to St. Louis, MO for the Eating Disorders in Sports Conference through McCallum’s Place Victory Program, I was able to talk with and be interviewed by Chris Blunk, producer of the upcoming documentary Why Don’t You Lose 5 Pounds? And after a few days at the conference connecting with eating disorder therapists, dietitians, […]

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

February 23-March 1 is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. Eating disorder awareness is great, but the most important part of this is that people become aware of how hidden and prevalent it really is. The key to my own recovery was recognizing it within myself. This was difficult to do since I was never extremely […]

Hungry to Speak

You ask me why I eat in secret. I wish you couldn’t see me eat. I wonder how much you think about what I eat. I decide what I will eat next to make it look like I am not eating too much. I wait until it is noisy enough in the room so that […]

If Dieting is Detrimental to Athletes, Why Did I Keep Doing It?

Q: Even though running was your primary goal, when it became evident that the diet was detrimental to running it still pulled you back in. Why do you think it still gripped you even when you knew it wasn’t the direction you wanted to go? One word: Fear. When I noticed any detrimental effects on […]

Do I Really Have An Eating Disorder?

I remember going into my sophomore year of college thinking about how I “had” to lose some weight to run faster than my freshman year. I had gotten to the point where I thought only weight loss would keep me at the top. Although I was at my thinnest, I was not just skin and […]

I need YOU

Okay, so I can’t abandon this blog. I need your help; I’m trying to take this to the next level. What are your biggest questions about eating disorders or diets in general? Do you have specific questions about what you have read so far on this website? I want to keep you all connected as […]

Where Are the Next Posts?

As of right now, I will not be posting any more journal entries. This was a difficult decision to make. There are more journal entries to reveal, but I need to take action and make something more of these than just a blog. I never planned on doing this; in fact, I anticipated sharing the […]