Book Release Aftermath
It has taken five years of writing, editing, and research to make Running in Silence happen. This means that when the Running in Silence book released this past Tuesday, I felt relieved and exhausted. Part of the relief and excitement comes from how quick and easy it is to offer a tool (the book) to those […]
My Story is Your Story
Running in Silence is not just my story. It’s a peek into thousands of stories. I share my journey not to highlight just what happened to me, but to reveal a perspective of fear, darkness, and chaos that either mirrors or closely reflects a community of women and men, thin and larger bodies.
Book Breakdown Before Publication
When I first received the PDF version of Running in Silence, I was in awe of the layout (props to Koehler Books!). But this soon turned into somewhat of a horror film as I began to make a final round of SMALL EDITS/CORRECTIONS (emphasis, my publisher). Thoughts: It’s almost a book! So many things to fix […]
Mom Speaks: Her Thoughts on My Eating Disorder Journey
I know parents have reached out to me expressing that they want to understand more about their son or daughter’s eating disorder. I wanted to give some insight into my situation from my mom’s perspective, here: The Perfect Storm Rachael strove to be perfect. Every assignment or workout or practice was completed on time or […]
Discipline, Drugs, and Disorder
I was recently challenged with the notion that eating disorders are not as intense or similar to drug addiction or alcoholism. I’ve also been asked if eating disorders are more of a “discipline” rather than a “disorder” issue. And then we have misconceptions about what eating disorders “look” like: only when are you very thin […]
A Lot Can Change in Two Years
I began this blog in fear. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going, but two years ago I needed this blog to make me feel like I was getting something done. It was my last hope for change. I feared what my friends, teammates, and family would think. I worried they […]
I Have an Eating Disorder
I started this blog to talk about my struggle with an eating disorder, but it has taken me so long to come to terms with that diagnosis. I still worry that an eating disorder is not really what I deal with (“it’s not that bad,” I tell myself). Because that would leave me with this […]
A Father of Food: My Dad Dealing with the Eating Disorder
My dad loves food–it has been his love language to prepare and serve our family food ever since I was born. He has always encouraged my sister and I to try new foods, to enjoy meals with the family, and to embrace food from different cultures. So when I started a raw food diet, my dad didn’t […]
Time to Change: Adding New Food to My Diet
I’m ready for change. I’m ready to take the next step to eat “normally.” I’m ready to get out of this rut. It’s strange how, out of seemingly nowhere, I realized that the food I deemed “fattening” was only so because it became a rule in my head. The voice whispered to me day after […]
Guilt and Ghosts: Struggling in Eating Disorder Recovery
I still have so much anxiety about what and how much I eat because my body will stop at nothing to get what it wants–even if I think it doesn’t need it, even if I think I did everything right, even if I think I know what I am supposed to do. Words from friends […]