The Reality of Eating Disorder Recovery: It’s Tougher (But Better) Than You May Think
I wish I could be the shining example of what it means to recover and run faster. I wish I ran faster at a higher weight. And maybe I could have if my training had been consistent enough without the eating disorder invading everything. I’m no longer running. I didn’t have a magnificent comeback race […]
Thankful for Recovery: The Journey, and Reaching the Destination
Thanksgiving 2010 I was concerned about having enough “safe” foods at dinner. Thanksgiving 2011 I ate my own separate “raw food diet” foods. Thanksgiving 2012 I binged on pie in my bedroom. Thanksgiving 2017: I’m excited to eat. I indulge in the dark turkey with stuffing and relish the taste of fresh green beans. I […]
Today, I Graduate
This post was updated 3/2/2021 to improve the writing and readability. I’m still a bit of a perfectionist. 🙂 I entered college anticipating a chance to start over. It was a chance to bring out the person I had always felt had been trapped inside. I left high school as a depressed, eating-disordered, running-consumed, […]
Rachael Recovered? Phases of the Eating Disorder and Where I Am Now
TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder behaviors mentioned. When I talk about my past eating disorder behaviors, the past Rachael I speak of seems so different from the Rachael I know now. When I write it all out as I’ve done here, it becomes clearer than ever. Restriction (2 years) 7 a.m.: Wakeup, and the first thing you […]
“It is What it is” and Second Chances
I am still racing in college–in fact, after coming out about my eating disorder and starting this blog, I am only halfway through my college career. I have two more years! At this point, I see the final two years of college as a second chance–a second chance to compete for my team, to continue […]
A Glimpse of Where I Am Now
It feels like it’s been a long grieving process; like a part of me was dying slowly before my eyes for the past few years and I had to watch it unfold. I just couldn’t let her go. No matter how mean, how frustrating, how deceiving that voice was, I could not let her go. […]