Thankful for Recovery: The Journey, and Reaching the Destination
Thanksgiving 2010 I was concerned about having enough “safe” foods at dinner. Thanksgiving 2011 I ate my own separate “raw food diet” foods. Thanksgiving 2012 I binged on pie in my bedroom. Thanksgiving 2017: I’m excited to eat. I indulge in the dark turkey with stuffing and relish the taste of fresh green beans. I […]
Eating Disorder Recovery with my Mom: A Video Interview
From the first few chapters of Running in Silence my mom doesn’t suspect anything is wrong as I embark on a raw food diet. She doesn’t question my intense obsession with food and running fast, mostly because I kept the worst of the obsession to myself. And then you get to the chapter where I […]
A Runner’s Life Without Running in Eating Disorder Recovery
I will always miss running. I will always remember what it felt like to fly over the grass of a cross country course or pick up speed around the final curve of the track. I also know that when I ran that fast, it was the only area of my life that brought me happiness. […]
Today, I Graduate
This post was updated 3/2/2021 to improve the writing and readability. I’m still a bit of a perfectionist. 🙂 I entered college anticipating a chance to start over. It was a chance to bring out the person I had always felt had been trapped inside. I left high school as a depressed, eating-disordered, running-consumed, […]
10 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in Eating Disorder Recovery
The more I’ve explored what it means to live outside of perfection, the more I’ve realized how much joy I have denied myself. Worry and guilt were the two feelings holding me down, and courage was what allowed me to stop making myself my own worst enemy. Thus, I’ve realized ten things:
To Let Running Go
There was a point in my life when I–and I’m sure many of us–experienced that heavy walk through each day. We could not find the energy to speak to our friends and family. We lost ourselves so deeply that we felt defined only by what we accomplished or how we ate. Running was my protector. […]
What Are You So Afraid of?
I’ve been asked this question a lot lately, or at least questions similar to it: What is my fear, how do I handle it, and why am I so afraid? I feel like fears need examination in order to face and deal with them. Half the battle is knowing what you are dealing with–and for […]
I Have an Eating Disorder
I started this blog to talk about my struggle with an eating disorder, but it has taken me so long to come to terms with that diagnosis. I still worry that an eating disorder is not really what I deal with (“it’s not that bad,” I tell myself). Because that would leave me with this […]
Guest Post: Lize Brittin’s Anorexia Recovery as a Runner Part 1
I am honored to have Lize Brittin as a guest on the blog. She is the author of Training on Empty which chronicles her struggles with, and recovery from, anorexia nervosa as a runner. Rated one of the top mountain runners in the world in the 1980s, she has worked in careers ranging from teacher to […]
Time to Change: Adding New Food to My Diet
I’m ready for change. I’m ready to take the next step to eat “normally.” I’m ready to get out of this rut. It’s strange how, out of seemingly nowhere, I realized that the food I deemed “fattening” was only so because it became a rule in my head. The voice whispered to me day after […]